A survey of nightmares which Americans most often experience has found that in the overwhelming majority of cases nightmares involving Jesse Plemons are now the most common terror plaguing the sleep of Americans, young and old. Previously the chief terrors that everyday Americans experienced while sleeping were a fear of falling, being chased by starved dogs, getting attacked by strangers, or leaving the house without putting on any clothes. These have been replaced by the sweaty horror of answering a knock on the door and finding it’s Jesse Plemons, hitching a lift with Jesse Plemons, getting stuck on a mountain with Jesse Plemons, being pursued through a forest by Jesse Plemons, President Jesse Plemons, going on a date with Jesse Plemons, living next door to Jesse Plemons, agreeing to buy a second hand gun from Jesse Plemons in an abandoned lot, employing Jesse Plemons as an electrician which gives him access to your house. The list is endless.
“He really is the most frightening person in the US today. He looks normal. He’s the type of guy who lives on your street, always ready to lend a hand fixing your car. Or the type of guy you could go for a beer with. A shoulder to cry on”, says psychologist Dave Psimple.
“But the reality is that Plemons is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He is a master of getting people to willingly let their guard down. He is a psychopath who murders people without hesitation and his is the last face that many unfortunate people see before they die. A strangely unemotional and detached sadism lurks in his Jack O’Lantern features.”
A study which asked school children to draw a picture of the Bogeyman found that in the vast majority of cases the drawings resembled Jesse Plemons.
“He will be in our nightmares for a long time along with Danny Trejo and whoever is awarded bad guy status on Netflix.”
