White House confirms that Anna Nicole Smith to be buried with full military honors

Funny story written by Breeze

Monday, 26 February 2007


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Anna - American icon

It is a week since Anna Nicole Smith died and yet America's grief continues unabated, citizens weep openly on the streets, shops are closed and pictures of the former model and humanitarian hang in every window.

One only has to walk down any American street or sideway to see the very real signs of anguish and pain etched in the faces of every passer by and the sense of bewildering loss conveyed by their tear stained eyes.

Last night the White House announced details of Smith's funeral and confirmed that she is to buried with full military honors followed by a three week period of National mourning.

Tributes continue to pour in from all corners of the globe, from the powerful and famous to the poor and dispossessed, Anna was loved by them all.

Smith first came to prominence after selflessly marrying 90 year old billionaire, J Howard Marshall, and moving into his mansion to care for him and his family. The pair met and fell in love while Anna was working as a dance instructor for blind, homeless orphans at a club called the 'Pussy a Go Go'.

Although Anna was 85 years younger than the geriatric tycoon, she loved his virility, drive and dependence on heavy medication and they were soon married.

A year later tragedy struck, when Anna accidentally backed over her husband eight times with a golf trolley, Marshall almost survived, but tragically, he was smothered by Smith's gigantic breasts as she comforted him during the frantic dash to the hospital.

Courtroom battles followed and America watched with growing admiration, as Marshall's parsimonious, money-grabbing litter of hell-spawned bastard children tried to take Anna's legacy, her beloved husbands ashes.....and $850,000,000 in used notes.

Since her tragic death, while fund-raising for blind, crippled, homeless orphans with spina-bifida, the world has woken up to the fact that, like 9/11, things will never be the same again.

I only met Anna once, 20 years ago when I stopped off at a roadside Fried Chicken shack in Tupelo, Mississippi. She was just a waitress then and there was little sign of the iconic figure she would later become.

I remember I asked for some McNuggets and a coke when she fixed me with her steely blue eyes and replied, "Ya want fries with that?"

Yes Anna.... Yes I do.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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