New test for American citizenship more meaningful

Funny story written by King David

Wednesday, 21 February 2007


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Formerly of Mexico, Jose Calderone tests his knowledge about America on new government naturalization test

The U.S. government reports the development of a new test for naturalization and citizenship. For immigrants, the oral citizenship test is one of the last hurdles toward becoming a naturalized U.S. citizen. The new test is designed to ask more meaningful questions about concepts like propaganda and exploitation not just focusing on memorizing facts like "Who won the 1986 Oscar for best technical assistance?" or "From what material was founding father George Washington's false teeth made?"

Heraldo Rivera has been preparing his ESL (Extra Schooling for Latinos) class for their citizenship test. "Your homework is going to have to be something more than just working on your cars if you want to be successful," he told his class.

Malinche La Chingada one of Rivera's students has been studying for six months and is getting ready to take her test. As you can imagine, she is very excited and will take it later this month. She will be asked 10 questions, a random sample from 140 that she has studied for and must answer at least six questions correctly to pass the test.

"Why do you want to live in America?" we asked La Chingada.

"Because people who prostitute themselves in America and take it up the ass make better money than people who do the same in Mexico. In America, they're also given the grease. In Mexico, you have to buy it," she said.

The ten questions that La Chingada will have to answer to become an American citizen are:

1.Who is Britney Spears?

2.Whose nude pictures posted on the internet back in December were responsible for crashing it because the traffic was so heavy?

3.Which soul singer died on Christmas day, but went on tour anyway shortly after his death and entertained crowds post mortem?

4.Can you name the top 20 Spoof writers?

5.Which of the top 20 Spoof writers are American?

6.Who is Buckley E. Filbertamous?

7.Who is Alfred E. Neuman?

8.How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

9.What is the "Iron Law of Oligarchy" and what does this political theory exercised so beautifully in Mussolini's early 20th Century fascist regime in Italy have to do with America today?

10.What is a plutocracy? Hint: It's not a cartoon from Disney.

But critics are quick to point out the new test's shortfalls. They say that the new questions are not more meaningful, but more trivial.

Marie Seamen speaking for PIMP (People In My Pussy) says that some of the questions are ambiguous.

"For instance, "Which Hollywood starlet prostituted herself to agents in order to land a career as an actress?" or "Which satire Spoof writer prostituted himself by writing a ton of Britney's vagina stories just to boost his ratings?" show too much ambiguity Seamen commented.

Other critics feel that the test is too heavily weighted on entertainment and doesn't have enough substantive information. But the jury is still out for the test's overall success.

In other news today, Britney Spears is adopted by Cone Heads. They call her their own.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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