LED lane control signals cause mass panic, outrage in Boston

Written by Mark Whiten

Thursday, 1 February 2007

image for LED lane control signals cause mass panic, outrage in Boston
The scene was utter panic

BOSTON - Yesterday, a group of contractors for MA-DOT installed new LED lane controls signals for Boston area roads and highways. These LED signals light up either a red "X" or a green arrow to let drivers know which lanes are available during different traffic patterns. The officials responsible for putting up the LED's thought the new signals would be easier to see and improve traffic flow.

It was obvious putting up LED lights was poor judgement on in this day in age of terrorism. The results was worse than the great light bright scare of 1989, when a 9 year old child was seen playing with a light bright outside caused the entire city to shut down.

"I saw a green arrow and immediately called the police and said there was a bomb" said Jane Stone, of Boston. "I mean, when you see green lights in the shape of an arrow, it you immediately think bomb!"

Thousands of Bostonians called in similar reports, thinking these lights were bombs.

Police and Bomb squads were called in, closing down roads and mass transit systems to look into the supposed bombs.

A Boston police spokesperson said "the first officers on the scene looked at these lights and determined bomb squads should be called in, as the lights appeared to be very threatening." Several of the lights were then remotely detonated, but it was soon the determined they in fact were not bombs.

MADOT soon later informed city officials that they were merely LED Lane Control Signals. "A horrible hoax" said the Mayor. He added, "To think someone would put LED lights up, it's obvious it would cause mass panic."

Confounding though is these lights also appear in many other large cities for some time, yet those cities did not panic. "They are just lights, I'm not sure why anyone would think they are a bomb and panic" said John Delin of New York. "I've seen them around for a while" he added. "But Then again, they are Red Sox Fans."

In an exclusive interview though, we found out Bostonians indeed did have a right to panic. We interviewed a former Terrorist that now works with the state department in help identifying threats.

"When a terrorist plants a bomb, he puts in a very obvious place and puts lights on it to draw attention to it? said the man. "Hiding a bomb and not putting lights on it makes the game too easy." He concluded, " The traditional bombs we make are moon men giving people the finger"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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