San Francisco resident John Precious, whose hobbies include attending Church and voyeurism, claims that his life has been turned into “living heck” by the permissive attitudes of his neighbors. “It’s been heckish. In the last ten years, the area has been turned over to non-godfearing outsiders who are heckbent on practising contraception and recycling. The streets have descended into pure heck. I’ve stepped up my surveillance of them with telescopes. Now and again, I break into their houses just to be sure about the underwear. I would go crazy if I didn’t know how decadent their underwear was. I tried it on, to be sure. Thankfully I’m not imagining it; they really are the neighbors from heck.”
Precious, 52, was speaking from a secure facility where he is being detained indefinitely. “If i ever get out of here, there’ll be heck to pay.” Will he ever make parole? “Heck if i know!”
Neighbors are fearful. One unnamed person we interviewed said: “I hope he goes straight to Heck!... Damn. I’m saying it now!"