Written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 18 February 2019

image for The Mueller Report Is Out
"... don't fence me in."

The Mueller report is out, and The Spoof has a copy. Because of its publication, The Spoof will no longer be called Fake News.

One of Special Counsel Mueller’s staff absentmindedly walked out of the office with a copy of the report stuck to his shoe, the same way Donald Trump walked up the steps to Air Force One with a piece of toilet paper attached to his heel, (also revealing that Mr. Trump wears shoe lifts, but that’s for another article).

It seems that The Spoof’s intrepid reporter, (all Spoof reporters are Oxford graduates or spent time at Oxford's train station) managed one giant step, securing the report underfoot, while the Mueller staff member walked on.

The Mueller report smacks of a dystopian reality, and here it goes:

Of course, Trump was in a criminal conspiracy with the Russians. Duh!

It was payback time for all the Russian loans taken, but never repaid. A man of marginal ethics, the Russians identified Trump as an easy target: Lend him a bucket of money, then reel him in.

Paul Manafort, Trump’s volunteer campaign manager, provided presidential polling data to Russian Konstantin Kilimnik. Russian hackers immediately knew which votes to flip on election night in Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin, winning the 2016 election by 77,000 votes, out of 136 million ballots cast. Sound suspicious?

So, Trump and partner Pence, will be removed from offices both never legitimately won, and will also have to pay vast sums of money for items like flying on Air Force One, back and forth to Mar-a-Lago, Bedminster Golf Club, the frequent rallies to his base, and hauling his family along on free rides.

Then there's also the price for living illegitimately in the White House. The food bill alone is calculated to be astronomical.

All Trump’s appointments to the courts, including the Supreme Court, will be retracted and made null and void. That loving beer judge will be going back to his favorite pub.

And finally, The Wall that Mr. Trump is so enamored with, will be canceled. However, there will be another wall in his future.

Read more by this author:

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more