"Green New Deal me in," tweets man from his sweat stained La-Z-Boy

Written by Jas Guipe

Thursday, 14 February 2019

From his malodorous, perspiration stained recliner, Jerry Osborn took to Twitter today to announce his full-throated support for Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal proposal.

“Green New Deal me in, AOC,” tweeted Mr. Osborn. “I’m also grateful that someone is finally recognizing the rights of those unwilling to work.”

Mr. Osborn is referring to language in the proposal that promises “economic security for all who are unable or unwilling to work.”

Interviewed at his home, Mr. Osborn recounted how he’d first learned of the proposal. “I was reclining in my La-Z-Boy with the television on, which is pretty much what I’m always doing. I was hazily drifting in and out of a queso-induced stupor. I’d been mixing crackers and an assortment of soft cheeses with tortilla chips and queso dip, washing it down with red pop, when I heard a voice describe a proposal granting economic security for those unwilling to work. It must have taken a while for the sounds to navigate the network of sluggish neurons in my brain, because by the time I regained consciousness and the meaning dawned on me, the news was over and we were already twenty minutes into Wheel of Fortune.”

Mr. Osborn’s “Green New Deal me in” tweet has been liked and shared by hundreds of thousands, and has even led to a job offer to join the AOC staff as a social media consultant. However, Mr. Osborn isn’t going anywhere just yet. “Sorry, AOC, you’ll have to Green New Deal me out on that one.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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