Hillary Clinton Takes Lead in Platitudes for 2008 Presidential Election

Funny story written by Dan Barash

Sunday, 21 January 2007

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Hillary Clinton, who just formally announced that she is running for President in 2008, appears to be leading all other contenders in the all-important area of platitude raising.

Mrs. Clinton has been quietly building up platitudes for over two years in the hopes of establishing an insurmountable lead over other Democratic candidates. It is almost impossible to win the nomination without a well-stocked treasury of platitudes.

Mrs. Clinton's platitudes were in full force when she announced her candidacy on her web site. She said "This is a big election with some very big questions," and "Let's go to work. America's future is calling us." Even Illinois Senator Barack Obama, who has written two best selling books full of platitudes, is said to be concerned it may be too late to catch up with Clinton.

In the last few Presidential elections, candidates have found it necessary to raise vast numbers of platitudes to compete. Legislation to curb the excesses of platitudes have not had much impact. According to Newsweek political editor Howard Fineman, "Platitudes are the mother's milk of American politics." In 2004, President Bush built up such a huge advantage in platitudes that the nomination was his after only a few weeks of primaries.

Republicans are scrambling to get platitudes just as much as Democrats. Senator John McCain has experience on the platitude circuit from his run for years ago, and will no doubt put that to good use this time around.

Voters in both parties are becoming cynical about all the emphasis on platitudes since they would rather just have "the best man win."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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