Hillary Clinton Offers A Democratic Version

Funny story written by Neil Levine

Friday, 11 November 2005

image for Hillary Clinton Offers A Democratic Version
Hillary Heads The Welcoming Committee

Hooterville, Arkansas---Hillary Clinton, in a cynical political effort to make political hay out of Republican reconstruction efforts down South, has made a grand tour of a mock up of a Hooterville, a hastily constructed shanty town put up in a grand standing way meant to bring to mind images of the deplorable Hoovervilles of the Deep Depression and to make it clear that a Democratic version of Republican efforts to help people would look completely different and have features that a Republican would consider unmentionable; keeping in mind that Herbert Hoover, a very civil engineer, was besmirched, bemoaned and belittled after his term of office expired, partly attributable to the bad publicity generated by such urban eyesores, but also due to the persistence of Democrats playing it up and his inability and unwillingness to do much about it.

At the front of Mrs. Clinton's press conference was a big political tent with house banners emblazoned in big, bold letters blowing lazily in the wind while in the background pre-fab slogans of all shapes and sizes waved happily at passers by, with a rickety table in front serving as a welcoming platform. Inside young volunteers, mostly female, wearing your basic scanty beer barrel tie dyed red, white and blue but with little else showing, greeted visitors with the slogan "Democrats know how to hold a Party."

Senator Clinton told reporters, "It's clear there are plenty of clean seats, plenty of drinks and good entertainment inside. And this is what I think America needs in this time of hardship. My Man Bill knows how to shake a leg and swipe the slate cleanly. It makes for friendlier times and a softer atmosphere. But the Republicans are laying on the patronage and party lines so thick that I have come up with this little sideshow as a way of demonstrating that we Democrats can go one up on the opposition without becoming morose or putting on too big a show of tears."

"Isn't this just deliciously scandalous?" she asked the crowd. "Don't you just love the bawdy, tawdry, naughty atmosphere that tells you where I am coming from?"

To the assembled press corpus delecti, "Come on fellas, play this up big. This is the real deal. No holding back on the seamier side of things. I say we need more comfortable women and good ole boys and have to be better at easing the crowd. There is nothing a good stiff drink can't cure."

"What we need is more freedom and more free ones on the house. Remember vote for good times, good friends and good cheer."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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