Semen In McNuggets Was Not Deliberate - McDonalds

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 19 January 2007

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The manager of a McDonalds restaurant where semen was found in Chicken McNuggets, has claimed that it was an accident.

Colin Sanders,14, who at the time of his arrest, was only one week into his managerial career, appeared before the court in Buffalo, NY, and pleaded not guilty to 48 charges of attempted poisoning.

Customers at the joint in Buffalo had complained that their food was "too salty" and that it "stuck to their teeth".

Dora Bennett, who weighs more than 400 pounds, said, "I eat there regularly, and I thought 'Hey, they've got an new chef!'"

Another diner, Joanna Punani, told the court, "I was having a bad day. I was late, it was raining, the queue was a mile long and, to top it all, there was something fishy about my chicken!"

Defense counsel Michael Jackowski asked the court for leniency. He claimed that Sanders, originally from Kentucky, was anxious about his new job, and had become excited over a female member of staff that he was "fond of".

"The idea that he would have "marinated" the chicken in this way is preposterous", he said.

Donald Additive, for the Prosecution, told the jury that Sanders had endangered the lives of his customers, and had further blackened the name of McDonalds, even though it needed no further blackening.

"This defendant is a menace", he said. "He abused his position, not to mention himself, and acted in a way unbefitting of a manager."

He then reminded the courthouse that, although the death penalty was not available to the Judge for this type of crime, "spaffing in customer's meals is still a serious offence in this state".

The case continues.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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