Keithville, Louisiana - (ReUterus): Zoologists are baffled at the unexplained birth of a young baby chimpanzee at the Chimp Haven animal sanctuary following the sterilization of all males at the 81-hectare retirement home for apes who have previously been used in laboratory experiments.
The new addition, nicknamed Patsy, was born to a 40-something mother some eigth months after a cultural exchange visit to the facility by members of the Kentucky Creationist Museum led by evangelical preacher Reverend Pat Robertson.
And now staff are saying they remember seeing him feeding the chimps with morsels of his Age-Defying Protein Pancakes and distributing wholesome literature in their compound before luring one of their matriarchs, a buxom female called Teresa, into the bushes for a few minutes of grunting and groaning.
Keepers recall how they became worried in case the ageing old fundamentalist nutter was on a mission to convert the chimp after one of his prayer sessions with whatever dark overlord he claims to have verbal congress with on his show the 700BC Club.
"Gee, it's bad enough that she'd been a live experiment in her youth", said Keeper Outtatrouble, "but to think she's now been tampered with by a preacher trying to convert her or something or other, gee that's real bad."
Both mother and child are said to be doing well and the infant shows no obvious signs at the moment of being a hybrid. But time may yet tell.
