God admitted today that he was intoxicated when He spoke to evangelical broadcaster Pat Robertson about a "mass killing" to occur in 2007. In a written statement, God apologized and said Robertson was "much too dense" to understand He was making a "botched joke" when He made the prediction. God said He learned in "that damn Garden of Eden episode" that mankind often misuses knowledge He imparts.
Robertson has often made claims that God speaks to him, usually in terms of right-wing conspiracy theories in line with Robertson's own beliefs. God's statement, however, said he only rarely spoke to Robertson, and the focus was typically to "encourage Pat to stop being such a putz". God also said that "realistically speaking, it would probably take a miracle" for Robertson to change his ways.
Robertson made the claim during a broadcast of his "700 Club" television show. He encouraged viewers to contribute their life-savings to his Christian Broadcasting Network since "you're all toast anyway".
