Dickmouth University. Violence erupted during a department meeting on the 4th floor of Krapper Hall last Wednesday when two Education Professors got into a massive fight over certain proposed curriculum changes for the current 2018-2019 school year.
Dr. Henry Lancaster, a Human Relations Professor, and Dr. Frank Walker, an Educational Psychology Professor, reportedly had a long-standing feud over several issues such as student portfolio design, technology integration, and graduate testing requirements.
The opposing views of educational leadership held by the two professionals finally clashed in barbaric ferocity when Dr. Walker grabbed a chair and threw it across the conference table at Dr. Lancaster. After successfully dodging the chair, Dr. Lancaster responded by picking up a 650-page textbook on 'Educational Foundations' and smashing Dr. Walker across the forehead with it.
Much to the shock and dismay of their colleagues, the two overweight, 60-year-old men grabbed each other's throats and proceeded to engage in an extremely intense brawl. They continued to shove each-other around until they both crashed through the door of the conference room and landed on the floor of the outside hallway in front of other students and professors who were walking by.
At one point, Dr. Lancaster punched Dr. Walker in the nose and then hurled him down a flight of stairs. According to witnesses, Dr. Walker got up, took a pen out of his shirt pocket, dashed up the stairs in a furious rage, and stabbed Dr. Lancaster directly in the chest, causing him to bleed all over the place.
The fight lasted for another 30 minutes until Dr. Lancaster kicked Dr. Walker in the balls and then knocked him 'out cold' by smashing his head into a nearby bench. Within plain view of a classroom full of new undergraduate students, Dr. Lancaster then pulled his own pants down and farted directly on Dr. Walker's face.
(As a reminder, students who wish to be accepted into the School of Education by Spring Semester must submit a 'Statement of Purpose' to Dr. Henry Lancaster by the end of October. Copies of academic transcripts and other required application documents must be received by Dr. Frank Walker before Friday, November 30th.)
