A New President Fumbles The Jargon Of His Office

Funny story written by Dante Liberatore

Wednesday, 27 September 2017

President Trump is having difficulty learning the terminology associated with his office, proven when he recently said, "I could get the best marble for any floor amendment, 'marking up a bill' would depend upon my satisfaction of the work and I wouldn't mind a 'lame duck' so long as it was served with orange sauce."

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, while telling an aid where to put a slot machine in the Lincoln Bedroom, played down the President's confusion.

"Mr. Trump is adequately learning the parlance of his office,"she said. "..because earlier today he figured out that a 'joint session' of Congress has nothing to do with marijuana."

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer had a different take on Mr. Trumps's bewilderment.

"America voted for a President, and what it got instead was a 'special needs' Chihuahua," he said while writing legislation that would allow people to marry their dogs. "Because only a small-brained dog would think you can still run into Frederick Douglas at a Starbucks."

"And President Trump has demonstrated even further buffoonery," Mr. Schumer added, "when I had to tell him that 'shuttle diplomacy' had nothing to do with NASA, a 'party caucus' didn't require an ice sculpture with flowing champagne and whenever someone in politics mentioned 'pork' he didn't have to go get some applesauce."

Mr. Trump, while on a conference call with Kim Kardashian, Lil Wayne and Mike Tyson remained optimistic about his recent gaffes.

"I have the biggest brain on the planet, so they'll be no more slip-ups that clearly weren't my fault. And besides," the President added. "I have far more important things to address, such as ordering a 100 million square feet of absolutely fantastic carpeting for the Department of the Interior."

"It has become clear that the current White House is utterly void of any intellect whatsoever," Senator Al Franken of Minnesota said while saluting a statue of Hugo Chavez. "So the Senate has placed someone into the Executive Branch who will dramatically raise the aptitude level of that institution, and we are extremely close to announcing who that person will be."

"At first, I was very apprehensive about taking the job," Bozo the Clown said after being sworn in as the 'White House Czar For Pounding Some Intelligence Into the President's Skull'. "But after seeing fist hand the lack of brainpower in The White House, I simply had to give up my hand buzzer, flower squirter and whoopee cushion in the name of national security.

"And furthermore," Bozo went on to say before taking off on a children's tricycle and blowing a clown horn. "If any Washington politician on either side of the isle gets in my way of doing what America has called upon me to do, they will either get hit over the hit with a sock, get a pie in the face or fall into a dunk tank."

"I love Bozo the Clown. Bozo the Clown loves me. We get along great," President Trump stated later that day while weighing-in 'The Rockettes' on a White House balcony for next year's 'State of the Union' halftime show. "And now if you'll excuse me," he added. "I'm having lunch with Fannie Mae, and I hope she has a nice pair of legs."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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