So Sad!

Funny story written by Matt Birkenhauer

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

image for So Sad!

For a couple of decades now, I've made a practice of celebrating the Fourth of July by reading the founding and historical documents that underlie the exercise in representative democracy that is the United States. This has given me a new appreciation of that elegant, though admittedly still imperfect, framework for our government, the Constitution, which I have read at least a dozen times over the years in its entirety.

This year, I read (again) from Lincoln's First Inaugural Address, which ends with, "We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."

Compare this to the political discourse of another, contemporary Republican president:

"I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don't watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year's Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!"

So sad.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more