Trump Replaces Gorsuch with Octogenarian for Supreme Court Pick

Written by mikewadestr

Sunday, 19 February 2017

image for Trump Replaces Gorsuch with Octogenarian for Supreme Court Pick
I want to dedicate this next song to me dear old darling mother.

Forget all about Neil Gorsuch, Donald Trump's previous pick to be a Supreme Court Justice, because Trump just fired Gorsuch and replaced him with an 88 year old former lawn mower repair man named Bubby Turf. Turf, who spent his entire career as a lawnmower repair man with Mow's Lawn and Khaki boutique, has no experience what so ever with law or any of its components. Actually the only law Turf is familiar with is the time he spent in court defending himself against charges such as disorderly conduct, driving while intoxicated and yelling at a frog.

When asked why he would pick an unqualified 88 year old retired lawn mower repair man as his Supreme Court nominee Trump responded: "You don't need any experience what so ever to be on the Supreme Court I mean look at me. I had no political experience and yet I'm the fucking president of the United States. Eat that Thomas Jefferson. Better yet just think about it. Right now I have pissed off so many people because of all my nominations to all positions. This one should really take the cake. Not only will I piss off all the liberals but there is a good chance this guy will die before my four year term is up which allows me to nominate another dufus and piss people off even more".

When asked what he thought about serving on the highest court on the land and interpreting the constitution Bubby Turf responded: "I'm more than honored to be serving on the Supreme Court of the United States. It's a very diversified court where they have an American Indian serving on it. His name is Chief Justice. And what's really cool is how open minded the court is now a days. I like running around naked all the time and yet here in the Supreme Court they have lawyers who are constantly showing off their briefs. I would fit in just fine. What is even better is we have a couple of women on the court which will be great for an occasional panty raid. The best part about it is they can never fire you. You serve until you die. Hell I do believe my doctor told me I was experiencing the beginnings of dementia".

There were many detractors to Bubby Turf's nomination which was pretty much all of the Democrats.

"I don't want to be anti-octogenarian", stated Chuck Schumer. "But honestly, a lawn mower repair man? This guy should be at home watching cops or walking the aisles of Walmart. This guy is one stroke away from overturning Roe and Wade".

As of press time Bubby Turf was seen at Walmart buying a speedo.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more