Written by StubbornGorilla

Wednesday, 30 November 2016


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image for No "Tweet-In-Chief": Trump blames late night rants on sonambulism

President-elect Trump has declined to take responsibility for late night messages on his Twitter account.

"I never said that," was Mr. Trump's response to questions about the Constitutionality of some of his comments.

The President-elect was pressed to confirm or deny that his Twitter account may have been hacked.

"Absolutely not! I have the best security money can buy on and off the internet." he defended. "Nobody touches that account but me."

When it was pointed out by members of the press that his last two statements conflicted with each other Trump suggested placing restrictions on press access into law.

"Maybe from now on you shouldn't be allowed to ask me any questions except maybe what I ate for breakfast," the incumbent President suggested, "and I'll tell you I ate a taco bowl every morning just to piss you off. How do you think you'll like that!"

Mike Pence then quickly arrived and whispered something in Trump's ear. The content of their conversation was not audible to the attendees of the press conference, but as soon as they were done Trump stated, "You know I love joking with you guys, but to answer your question I may have wrote those Tweets in my sleep, so I can't really take responsibility for what they said. It wasn't really me. I wasn't awake. I sometimes eat tuna sandwiches in my sleep too."

The Donald went on to denounce the press for their portrayal of him as an grumpy old codger prowling around his apartment at night angrily espousing anti-American sentiment. "That's not me. I'm very nice, very American. I'm probably the most American nice guy you've ever met. If you knew me personally you'd probably call me Uncle Don, if I allowed people to call me that, which I don't."

Asked how citizens are supposed to be able to trust what he Tweets or even what he says, Mr. Trump replied, "If I say it I mean it, so trust me to do what I say. If you can't tell the difference between when I'm serious and when I'm just joking around that's your problem not mine."

Asked if he has any plans to Tweet and speak with more discretion once he is President, Mr. Trump explained, "The majority of Americans elected me, so they'll get me. If they wanted someone else who acts all Presidential and stuff they had their chance. The people have spoken, and I am listening."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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