Dakota pipeline company tells justice department to FO plus offers study seminars on the oil business

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 28 October 2016

image for Dakota pipeline company tells justice department to FO plus offers study seminars on the oil business

Clearing away DAPL protesters from a pipeline route across the twin Dakota states, Energy Transfer Partners oil company has indicated a resounding FO to the justice department.

The company is owned by prominent world banks and has financial connections to both presidential candidates.

In September the US Department of Justice issued an appeal to put development of this project on hold while issues can be investigated.

Disputed is "unceded territory," at issue since 1851, but claimed by the company and law enforcement to be "private land."

The question is who has the right to "eminent domain" here, with such matters usually decided in favor of corporations.

Historically, this land contains indigenous people's sacred areas, now being forced to give way to oil company progress.

Resistance has led to dogs, batons, pepper spray, armored vehicles, helicopters, sound cannons, flash bang grenades, bean bags, rubber bullets, arrests, strip searches, and crowded jails with inadequate services.

Violence escalated yesterday with burning vehicles, tires, and lumber at barricades.

Some shots were fired although the protesters generally are not armed. Their form of protest is mainly singing, beating drums, holding signs.

According to Ramon L. Hogwarth, spokesperson for Energy Transfer Partners, company response to the Department of Justice request has been a firm FO.

This means fill in the "f" part however you please followed by off.

Concerns about pipelines bursting, leaking, decaying, and poisoning are overblown and "It hardly ever happens, don't get me started," said Hogwarth.

"We have tanks on the way, aircraft support," Hogwarth stated. "Plus drones and more dogs incoming, specially trained in Turkey to stop resistance against official business and the way things are."

The oil company is also planning to bring in mobile classrooms in huge RV's to which the protesters could sign up and "get educated" in small groups.

"Snacks available."

Mainstream media companies such as CNN, FOX News, ABC, The New York Times are being approached to assist and widen this process of "educating" the people on the importance of the oil industry.

The issue of global warming is nice, in Hogwarth's view, but in the way of getting on with business, America's number one value.

New shale oil and fracking this and that possibilities with only a few problems here and there will get the US closer to energy independence, he argues.

As with getting out of the middle east?

Mr. Hogwarth's brow furrowed at this possibility, but he moved on to other topics.

Alternative energy systems, yes, are nice but not adequate to get serious money out of it at this time for investors.

This lesson also. There will not be another defeat for the industry coming from the president's office, as with the Keystone pipeline case, he stated.

"In fact, Ms. Clinton thinks Russia is likely behind all this uproar in North Dakota, and there will be consequences when she takes office."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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