Brown Student Calls in Gas Leak to Avoid Test

Written by Olivia Romano

Thursday, 15 September 2016

PROVIDENCE, RI-In a desperate attempt to get out of taking her Political Science test, a junior at Brown University called in a false report about a gas leak at 10:06 AM.

The student, Joan Collins, then pulled the fire alarm, causing the entire building to be evacuated.

Firemen and school officials alike swarmed the scene to be met with an uncontaminated building and a crowd of confused students shuffling around the yard in front of it.

It took hours for the threat to be declared false and for authorities to trace the 911 call to Ms. Collins' cell phone.

When confronted by local authorities as to why she called in the false report, Ms. Collins had a crazed look in her eye as she explained that she was "failing Poli-Sci" and "just kinda snapped today."

"It was just a crazy feeling, man," she said. "I just woke up one morning and was like f**k this, you know? Like, I couldn't stand the thought of taking another f***ing test. I just couldn't do it. It was really surreal, almost like I was floating outside my own body. I didn't know what I was gonna do, I just knew I wasn't gonna take that test."

Fellow students and classmates have been congratulating the ususally reserved Ms. Collins all morning, huddling around her in groups to shake her hand, express their approval for her actions, and give her the occasional congratulatory slap on the back. "I think what Joan did was really brave," said a male student who wishes to remain unnamed. "None of us wanted to take that test, but she was the only one who did something about it."

Ms. Collins was later taken in by police to be questioned on the incident, a marked look of relief on her face when told that-should she receive a jail sentence-she would not have to take Political Science tests while serving time. The professor whose class was disrupted by this incident has not yet rescheduled his exam, fearing other action that students might take to avoid it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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