Written by Brandy Pasquino

Thursday, 10 March 2016

image for Discount airliner Ghost Airlines reaping huge profits from anti-perk services
The most expensive service offered to Inconvenienced Flyers is a seat on a near-broken plane shadowing a commerical airliner.

Coral Springs, FL - People are always looking for ways to set themselves apart from the crowd. Who the hell would have thought that putting sugar back into formerly sugar-sweetened beverages would be so popular? Well they are and some experts say it's because people want to do things the way people used to do them.

Similarly, people are all too familiar with the common services offered by many airlines such as in-flight entertainment and complementary drinks and snacks. But the emergence of "Frequent Flyer Programs" have allowed for some to distinguish themselves by getting discounts on services that provide even more comfort such as economy plus seats that offer larger personal TV screens and premium food service. The popular trend in special flight perks created a market that was completely untapped until earlier this month. Ghost Airlines launched its "Inconvenienced Flyer Club," which caters to passengers who prefer to pay a premium for services that people often pay extra to avoid.

We were puzzled by this service line, so we asked Ghost Airlines' CEO Kevin Tran about the program. "Look, everyone and their dog like to be called upon to board the plane first, to have extra legroom while seated, to sit in quiet areas of the plane, or to be offered the opportunity to gate-check baggage for free. But for every dozen people who are willing to pay a premium for these services, there is one person who would like to sit next to someone who has an extreme fear of flying because they think they can easily convert that fear into a love for flying or who would like to sit next to that crying baby that everyone wants to kill because they want to learn parenting skills."

And when we asked about their most expensive "anti-perk", as what these no-frills high-cost services are often referred to, Mr. Tran said that it was tied between two such services. "Our Inconvenienced Flyers enjoy being charged for their first personal carry-on because everyone else is allowed to carry it on for free and they absolutely love our late check-in service because they enjoy hearing their name being called during the final boarding call and find rushing through security and darting to the plane exhilarating."

At press time, we were notified by Ghost Airlines that they will start to offer "economy minus" seats, which are middle seats that have morbidly obese people sitting in the aisle and window seats. They expect this service to rival the two most expensive anti-perks in terms of their popularity among Inconvenienced Flyers.

Rambo Cambo contributed to this report.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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