Written by Martin Jaeger

Saturday, 12 December 2015

In the Midle East, most women wear a head covering of some kind, like the Hijab, Hiqab, or Burka. Most people are aware of the Burka and its religious significance. but don't know the wearing of the Burka is a sign of the highest degree of modesty and worn by the most conservative women.

The Burka covers the head, face, and everything else, except the eyes. Sometimes it doubles as a tent for two. Because it appeals to those women who are the most religious, several new Burkas style have been developed to keep up with modern times.

I went to the "Burka Shop" on 5th Street and Martyr Ave., and spoke to the shopkeeper.

"What Burka," I asked Sahib Ha Rib, "would you suggest for a friend of mine who's very religious."

He bowed, and began. "Burka Model 45-008a, known as the 'Ultimate

Burka'; it does what the Standard Burka does, except that there are no eye holes. This is the ultimate in modesty and whoever wears this will be known forever as a Muslim's Muslim. The Ultimate Burka comes in several colors. We have the standard "Pitch Black" which doesn't allow light in or out. Orange, for women who wants to make a statement. Pink, for Breast Cancer Awareness. Zebra-Striped for anyone who has spent time in jail."

"Are there any problems with the Ultimate Burka?" I asked.

He took an Ultimate Burka out of a box and pointed to a place where the eye holes would be.

"You can't see where you are going," he said shaking his head from side to side. "This makes the Ultimate Burka dangerous. It's a good thing they don't let women drive in Saudia Arabia, otherwise there'd be a ton of accidents."

"Do you have another model, maybe?" I asked.

"Does the Pope drink schnapps before he goes to bed?" he answered.

"We have the 'One-Way Burka."

"What's that?"

"It's like the Ultimate Burka but it's made of one-way cloth. It's like a one-way mirror. She can see out, but no one can see in."

"That's great," I said. "I'll take a One-Way, in black."

"Good choice.," he said. "Shall I gift wrap it? No extra charge."

"No, I'll wear it," said. "I've always wondered what it would be like to wear one."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: burka

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