Bolton the latest victim of awesome Wiccan hex

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 4 December 2006


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Bolton - Victim

Washington DC - (Associated Mess): US Ambassador to the United Nations John Bolton is the latest victim of an awesomely successful Samhain hex issued by US Wiccans who earlier dispatched Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to the DC dustbin AND demolished a Pentagon creationists' field-force which had banned use of the pentacle symbol from pagan soldiers' graves.

Bolton, a rug-toting Osteoporosis-division member of the Ancient American Order of the Skull 'N' Bones, was once the subject of a Crowleyian banishing ritual by a breakaway pagan sect indigenous to the State of Maine. This saw him adopt a curious beaver-like two-tone hair color arrangement reminiscent of snake-bite victims depicted on Luxor hieroglyphs of those who had offended the Goddess Bast.

A recent popularity makeover move saw Bolton attempting to redeem his pathetic public image by the issue of a Pirelli-style topless new year calendar. But the project backfired and millions of copies of the 2007 issue had to be shredded after preview copies were found dumped in the Potomac after reportedly frightening little children on Halloween.

Tonight as millions of Wiccans celebrate this latest victory over the Bush Evil Empire all eyes wil be watching developments in DC as beleaguered UK Prime Monster Tony Blair flies in on Wednesday evening for an emergency summit with his White House puppet-masters following the discovery of more Polonium 210 on the presidential Scareforce One Jet.

Even-money says the Wiccans have prepared something special for the Poodle Brothers this week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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