Man Seen Chopping Wood Viewed as Anachronism - Americans Redefine Word, "Work"

Written by King David

Sunday, 3 December 2006

image for Man Seen Chopping Wood Viewed as Anachronism - Americans Redefine Word, "Work"
Real work - Totally archaic

A man witnessed today chopping wood beside his house was seen by eye witnesses as an anachronism, in this day and age, barely identifiable. A spokesperson for the National Preservation of Anachronisms (NPA) said that most people would not recognize the sight simply because they have no context for it in their lives. Like many skills, this particular one has been removed, for the most part, from American popular life.

In fact, says one spokesperson, Americans are in danger of losing their context for work altogether because everything has been farmed out to other countries leaving America without a manufacturing base.

Still, critics argue that research and development (R&D) remains America's ace-in-the-hole and that Americans still influence a large part of technological innovation on a global scale.

"We're still seen as the scrappy, junk-yard dogs on the technology circuit," said one spokesperson. "We are willing to work out of a garage, eat fast-food and try anything at least once."

Investigators for the Psychological Research for the Paranormal (PRP) were called in to take over the investigation. They referred the investigation to the Anthropology Department of Duke University after a team of PRP investigators trapped themselves in a time warp and could not get out of the future.

A spokesperson for the university said that "currently, we are investigating the spotting of "the wood cutter" and that a full report would be issued in a matter of days. So far, we have been trying to establish a context for this figure and have not been able to find one as of yet. The only thing close we have is the character known as "tin man" on a movie of a long time ago. We're still searching our cultural memory banks to find evidence and determine that this person exists, or existed at one time."

The University spokesperson pointed to several factors influencing the public's lack of perspective including the removal of work, as previously defined in the modern world, and changed to a different status.

"We feel that it is a matter of semantics that people are not able to identify the subject of work. We think that we are in the middle of a cultural shift in this area. Currently, definitions of the word, "work" are being challenged and we feel that eventually new definitions are going to have to be added to Webster's Dictionary for anyone to know what we are talking about. This feels like cutting edge stuff to me."

"In addition, definitions, as they have changed in Webster's New World to include new techno-geek teminology, will also need to be changed in Spanish since a majority of America's workforce is Hispanic."

Critics point to Bill Cliton's backing of the 1980's NAFTA (North American Free Tacos Agreement) as the beginning of the end for losing America's perspective of work and the removal of the gentrification that once existed in American culture while a great majority of American jobs went south of the border.

"We're still hearing a great, sucking sound," said Ross Perot whose big ears still seem very a tuned to it. "The drain is still flowing wide open unlike most oil fields around here."

Other anachronisms in American culture include: Pentium II, Chevrolet, Appalachian State University, tobacco farmers, textile workers, VHS, half the channels on the radio dial, hologram sightings of Elvis, 1990's model cars, The Ford Motor Company, evangelical and fundamental ministries, troglodytes, corporate charters the way they currently are, overpaid athletes, celebrities and CEO's of American corporations.

Researchers say that future investigation will be required to determine if the image will last.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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