Governor Pence and Indiana's state legislature clarified today the poorly worded Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) that was signed into law last week. According to their clarification, the intent of the law is to enable business owners to protect themselves and society from such death merchants as abortionists and homosexuals.
"By refusing to do business with these death merchants," said state senator Rick Biddle (R), " we can force them to rethink their life choices. With this law, we have put women on notice that we will not help them to murder the unborn."
State representative Ben Meade (R) added that the law would also protect the right of the state's florists and bakers. "They will not be forced to endorse or support that abomination known as 'the gay agenda' by letting these people have joyful weddings. They need to stop and reflect on their sinful practices and childless relationships. If they can't have bouquets and wedding cakes, maybe they'll settle down in a traditional marriage, have proper sex for procreation purposes, and have babies."
When asked about other death merchants, such as firearm and tobacco vendors, the legislators simply stated that they wanted to focus on more realizable goals and on the greatest dangers to society.
The press conference came to a sudden and surprise end when a reporter asked about servicing adulterers. The congressmen merely answered "No comment" and quickly left the room, citing other engagements as their reasons for leaving.