DNA is a Secularist Conspiracy

Written by Asheville Jack

Monday, 10 November 2014

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The following is a partial reprint of a handbill given to me one Sunday morning as I stumbled to my pickup after a wild night partying in Athens, Ga, home of the University of Georgia. At issue was the recent DNA extracted from a 37,000 year old human leg bone found in Europe. Regarding the issue of DNA the pamphlet read:

"As a founding member of the nearby First Rapturine Church of Leprechaun Georgia, I'm here to testify that DNA doesn't exist, that in fact DNA is a fraud and a lie being systematically perpetrated upon the world by so called scientist who owe their living to the university and other Godless government research centers funded by liberal secularist.

These Godless scientist only purpose is to mislead God's children about their precious humans semen seeds and the other stuff hidden in the uterus-up-there-place.

Now, as proof I offer you the fact that DNA was never once mentioned in the Bible, even though there was a heap-load of lustful monkey like humping and grunting fornication going on at that time.

So let me ask you straight out - any of you hand pumpers ever seen a DNA? No, of course not. And the good Lord knows a lot of you man dandies and unkempt women have seen the nether regions bodily fluids up close and personal like. Some of you even like to keep an eye on it, if you know what I mean.

Now, I ain't saying people before Jesus's time didn't pound the puppy or and pass their seeds all around Europe sinful like, but they sure as hell didn't jerk off on a pile of leg bones in the hope one day some scientist would find them.

Signed, the Right Rev. Neimen Pettebrew.

Well, I hope this puts this issue to rest once and for all.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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