Written by D P Whitehead

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Despite setting off his local grocery store's store alarm Wednesday, Fort Lauderdale shopper Duncan Whitehead was allowed to exit the store unmolested by the store's security staff who merely glanced at the exiting man before returning to doing nothing.

Whitehead, 47, who had stolen nothing, re-entered the store and tried to explain that he had paid for his items but no one seemed to care.

"The alarm went off and no one did anything," explained the confused Whitehead, "the security guard looked up at me and did nothing. None of the cashiers said anything. All I did was look confused and that must have been enough. Maybe if I had ran or something they would have chased me - but they seemed to just acknowledge it must be a faulty alarm. I merely walked off."

A spokesman for the store, referring to the alarm, said "It's always going off for no reason, to be honest, it is pretty useless, but at least it deters thieves. We think so anyway. We are not sure, who really knows?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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