CNN Poll: Obama Would Lose To Jefferson Davis

Written by Cool Papa Bell

Monday, 28 July 2014

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Obama is losing favor with Americans at such an alarming rate, that if they could do the 2012 election all over again, they'd overwhelming back the former president of the Confederate States of America, Jefferson Davis.

That's just one finding in a brutal CNN pool released Sunday, which shows Davis topping Obama by a whopping 45-point margin, 70 percent to 25 percent, with 5 percent not being allowed to vote because of deportation issues.

In the Southern states alone, Davis beat Obama by 99.9 percent to 1 liberal troublemaker in South Carolina who moved there from New York just to try to bring his anti-Christian views to the South.

Others who would beat Obama by a wide margin include Native American historical figure Crazy Horse, 63 percent to 33 percent, with 4 percent saying they could never vote for an Injun or a Kenyan; and Communist Party activist and veteran actor the late Will "Grandpa Walton" Geer, 59 percent to 35 percent, with 6 percent saying they could never vote for a Commie, living or dead.

Even more troubling, 50 percent believe Obama should be impeached, 25 percent think he should resign, 10 percent want him deported to Mexico or Ukraine, whichever is further away, 5 percent want him to switch jobs with Erin Andrews and 2 percent want him to switch suits with Joe Biden.

Regarding his handling of foreign and domestic issues, 75 percent offered a resoundingly negative "Benghazi!!!!" on the foreign front while 82 percent issued an even more deafeningly negative "Socialism!!!!!!" on the domestic question.

When asked what they disliked most about the president, 56 percent said his middle name, Hussein, 31 percent said last name, Obama, and 12 percent said his first name, Barack. One percent were too angry and red-faced to answer and were eventually arrested after pointing weapons at the interviewers.

Astonishingly, 99 percent of the females polled said they plan to sue Obama, not necessarily due to his job performance but because they have had complications with their transvaginal mesh and bladder slings, and their attorneys figured that since everyone is suing Obama, they might as well also.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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