Zombies, In-laws or Tax Collectors?

Written by Frank Michaels

Saturday, 17 May 2014

image for Zombies, In-laws or Tax Collectors?
Zombies sitting quietly... for now.

Amazing as it may seem, the idea of 'zombies' and the Christian prophesy of certain people now passed, rising, may well have a combined connection.

Harold Weatherbee of Hollywood Christian Crusader Watch Foundation, recently spoke to offer a few clues.
"In the Christian Bible, in more than one location, it is mentioned that upon the Second Coming, one of the first things we might see is the return of... um, certain previously dead people."

Scary? Maybe.

Weatherbee expanded, "The current administration, as well as several non-Christian faiths, have decided to make sure that if and/or when this should happen, those formerly living people are immediately classified as 'zombies' and killed again, on the spot."

In fact, in Hollywood, years of zombie flicks have pretty successfully indoctrinated an entire generation to not only fear such an event, but to deem those second-comers as enemies of the state.

The Reverend Jimmy James-Jim-John Sr. states unequivocally that those who return will not be digging themselves out of graveyards nor will they be all muddy, bloody or nasty. He says that God (or god, or g/d or g*d) has the DNA map of every single human ever to walk this planet so, it's just a matter of a flick of His Holy wrist to see them return in perfect condition.

On the flip, Captain Norbert Neugrasp of the DHS's 'Zombie Response Squad' (ZRS) says that there is no chance whatsoever that any zombie could be here for any reason except to eat living flesh, steal people's guns, rob local fast-food joints and play soccer in the middle of Interstate Highways while innocent people are forced to run them down and watch various rotting body parts fly in all directions.

"Don't let those rabid bible-thumpers fool you. Dead is dead and after that, you smell really, really bad."

So, in the end, if a forgotten and long dead relative should knock on your door... the hows and whys they got there will be a personal matter.

But, on one side, the state of New York... in the middle of one of the most rigid gun law impositions in history, has amended their new restrictions to allow people to shoot 'zombies' on sight... so long as they don't look like Michael Broombug or Bill de Blastyu.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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