Written by K.C. Bell

Tuesday, 14 November 2006

image for No White House For Rudy Giuliani
Guiliani - Visibly shocked

Wall Street Kernel - While Rudy Giuliani may seriously entertain ambitions of running for President of the United States, the reality is: no way. It isn't because he failed to take on formidable opponent Hillary Clinton for the U. S. Senate, but rather because the former mayor has been married three times.

One time to a crazy first wife? Okay. Everyone's first wife is crazy. Situation understandable. But a second wife? Maybe sort of okay. But he moved on to wife number three? Sorry. Can't cross that bridge too far. In Hollywood, that's the starting quota, but in politics and the White House? Not for the Republican, Democratic, Independent or Love Them And Leave Them Party.

Like the dentist who killed her husband, Clara Harris. She drove her car over her husband five times in front of the hotel, following an afternoon visit with his girlfriend. Just one time over and even Ralph Macchio from, My Cousin Vinny, could have gotten her off. "I didn't see him."

"She didn't see him, your honor. I rest my case."

But after running over him a second time, you have to raise the legal fee and go for someone more prestigious like Ron Silver. After all, he got Claus von Bulow off in the film Reversal Of Fortune. "I went completely crazy, like an insane, crazy first wife."

"Crazy first wife defense. I rest my case."

But running over her husband three times? Plus two? Should have quit at two. Even Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird couldn't clear Clara. "My foot froze on the pedal and I kept driving in circles, five times, like a crazy, insane, nearsighted first wife?"


There is a level for the norm which is slowly chipped away with time. Call it evolution. Once upon a time chewing gum in school was forbidden. Today schools require metal detectors to prevent students from bringing guns on campus. Chewing gum in class would be a welcomed time machine step back into the past. But like guns in school and running over one's husband five times, being married three or more times is still a no, no in politics.

Better Rudy should lower his expectations and aim for the Vice Presidency. He could take up duck hunting, shoot someone in the face, and get a job at Halliburton. Worked for Dick.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: White House

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