Crystal County Sheriff Disputes Allegation of Probable Failure - Suspect In Custody

Written by Catchthisdrift

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

image for Crystal County Sheriff Disputes Allegation of Probable Failure - Suspect In Custody
A member of Mystery, Incorporated examining a clue.

Crystal Cove, Ohio - Crystal County Sheriff Tom Jones held a press conference this morning to dispute an implication that his department would never have stopped local criminal activity, and that an outside criminal investigative organization was required to end the crimes.

Said the Sheriff "I personally was looking into these crimes. I knew something seedy was going on and we were investigating. I have full confidence we would have ended the crime spree."

The implication was derived from a statement by local resident Bertram Smithers. The 71 year old Smithers, upon his detention by criminal investigators working for an organization known as Mystery, Incorporated, angrily shouted "And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you dang kids."

Sheriff's deputy Tom Jones, Jr. seemed to contradict the Sheriff's statements. Jones, Jr. stated "When I seen them green ghoulies floating around the old rundown amusement park, I got in my cruiser and skeedattled right back to town. I stumbled into Elsie's Diner all blubbering with fright."

It was determined that Smithers was actively trying to keep all persons away from the closed amusement park in order to take advantage of mineral rights. Smithers utilized a variety of visual and sound effects to try to frighten anyone even approaching the park.

The members of Mystery, Incorporated entered the park despite Smithers' efforts, and subsequently caught Smithers red-handed. The group then detained Smithers and held him until Sheriff's officers arrived. It was at this point that Smithers made his angry implications.

Two members of Mystery, Incorporated were taken into custody on suspicion of possession of marijuana. They both admitted to having and using the substance but were released after producing verification that their possession was for medical reasons having to do with appetite.

Smithers is being held in the Crystal County jail awaiting arraignment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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