Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 29 March 2014

image for Delaware Bans High School Chest Bumping
High school cheerleaders are especially prone to injuries from chest bumps.

DOVER, Delaware - Delaware's senior Senator Preston Wybinski [R-Dover] has informed the members of the press that the state senate has just implemented an emergency bill.

The bill named The High School Chest Bumping Bill was mandated by the senate without a vote because of its importance in the line of safety.

Senator Wybinski pointed out that just in the past month, a total of 9 high students in Delaware have been hurt due to the athletic fad of chest bumping.

The senator stated that chest bumping was first popularized by members of the NFL and then it carried over to members of the NBA.

He noted that professional athlete's are in excellent shape and as such they can take the chest bump with no pain whatsoever, but high school students whose bodies are still developing are prone to getting chest injuries; especially female students.

Senator Wybinksi brought out the fact that in January the parents of a cheerleader in Dover filed a lawsuit against the Dover Semi-Independent School District when their daughter, who stands 5-foot-2-inches tall and only weights 89 pounds, was chest bumped by the team mascot who was dressed in a bull outfit and who weighs 302 pounds.

The young, skinny cheerleader was basically launched a distance of 15 yards and had all kinds of injuries including some nasty looking bruises on both of her pom poms.

In Other News. Sarah Palin has said that her daughter Bristol has expressed a desire to possibly run for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. The former Dancing With The Stars Contestant said that her platform would be "No limit on the amount of salmon you can catch."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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