A study released today reveals that most mothers in the United States have a skewed view of how mediocre and average their own children are. Experts believe that a related study yet to be started will show that at least 85% of the mothers reading this very article will determine it has nothing to do with them.
"Most kids are average" said one mother who participated in the study, but who desired to remain anonymous once the definition of anonymous was explained to her. "but my boy," she continued, "he's smarter than all his idiot friends, even the ones who got better grades and are going to college."
Another part of the study revealed that 98% of mothers believe their own babies are more beautiful than all other babies, a conclusion disputed by all the other mothers participating in the study. "My babies were beautiful, gorgeous, every one of them," gushed Helen, a mom from Rhode Island. She continued "But those Johnson kids across the street, and most of the babies in the church nursery, ya have to wonder how their folks can even stand to look at them. I mean, yeesh."
The responses reported for fathers participating in the same study were markedly different than those of the mothers. One researcher summarized the fathers' opinions of their sons as "he's a moron." As for the beauty of their own babies, the predominant response was "all babies are butt ugly."