West Virginians Drinking Only Wine and Mountain Dew

Written by Moe Nightwalker

Friday, 21 February 2014

image for West Virginians Drinking Only Wine and Mountain Dew
Tom chose wine over Dew.

For years educated West Virginians and outsiders criticized rural residents for serving children Mountain Dew. Now, a month into a water crisis caused by a chemical spill, all residents have become Mountain Dew drinkers.

"I was very hesitant, but once I started, I got hooked," says Sherri Johnston. "And it has the benefit of excessive caffeine allowing me to get so much more work done each day."

Christian communities have followed a more biblical path and chosen to drink only wine. This has caused a dichotomy in the community. Mountain Dew drinks, amped up on caffeine, are getting lots of things accomplished. Wine drinkers are napping a lot and wobbling around.

Outsiders visiting West Virginia really haven't noticed a difference.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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