White Male Shot Three Times for Playing Country Music Too Loud

Funny story written by Matt Birkenhauer

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

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NATCHEZ, MS-A white middle-aged man was shot three times at a Natchez Piggly Wiggly after another customer in the parking lot asked the man to turn down his radio, which was tuned to a Natchez country music channel. The man who shot him, an African-American named Faithon Williams, said he hated country music and was annoyed by the Confederate Flag the man he shot, Dewey McCabe, was wearing on this chest. (It turned out the flag the deceased was wearing was the state flag of Mississippi, the left-hand corner of which prominently displays the Confederate flag.)

Said Williams: "I asked him politely to turn that shit down. Why should I, a paying customer, have to listen to some damn fool cracker singin' about his beer belly? I had my son and infant daughter in the car. Why should they have to listen to that tasteless shit?"

When Williams asked McCabe to turn down the music, the Mississippi man reportedly flipped off Williams and turned the music up even louder. The altercation became so loud that customers inside the store overheard that two yelling at each other, amid the lyrics from the hit song "Rockin' the Beer Gut": "Rockin' the beer gut she's more than hot, / she's everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt / Pretty little girl's, rockin' the beer gut." At that point, Williams said he thought he saw McCabe reach into his glove compartment to get a gun, so he shot McCabe three times in the head and chest, claiming self-defense. It turned out that McCabe was simply reaching for a flask he kept in the glove compartment.

Said Natchez Police Chief John Wayne McCabe (coincidentally, an uncle of the deceased), "Not to prejudge this incident, but this is a clear-cut example of premeditated murder on the part of Mr. Williams. He will, of course, get a trial by jury, as is his right as an American, to be followed next month by a formal lynching to be held shortly after his trial is concluded. We're hopin' to get Ted Nugent to perform at the lynching, or maybe Hank Williams Jr., if he's sober enough."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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