Pluto Orbit Changes! What Will Happen?

Funny story written by Bureau

Thursday, 6 February 2014

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Scientists, among them John Holdren and Harold Keene, announced today that they now believe that the former planet Pluto is changing orbit.

"We didn't want to panic anyone and we could have been wrong but the planet or former planet, Pluto is slightly out of orbit", stated Scientist and Astronomer Harold Keene. "Just last week it had moved slightly once again. There seems to be some kind of gravity pull or it may have changed long ago. It was the last planet in the solar system and the one we know the least about."

Questioned by reporters as to what that means to our own planet? "We don't know but it would most certainly change things about."

Asked if it could get near earth, Keene stated that none of them think so but it still could cause trouble with other planets or change weather patterns eventually on all eight.

"We thought it should be announced before an amateur astronomer noticed the change and panicked everyone. Remember, it could change things in a couple of years or a couple of hundred years."

Another asked if there could be an alien force causing this to happen.

"Let me turn that over to Stephen Hawking."

"Of course anything is possible, but this looks natural. However, the planet or former planet can easily become a weapon itself should it shield the sun, cause problems with our moon, create extreme weather."

"But remember, he continued, this could be some time away. We need to collect the patterns and study them closely. Perhaps it has been changing for some time before we noticed it or COULD notice it."

"Can you give us a possibility?"

"Hundreds. Let's hope it doesn't hurt our seventh planet Uranus. You have trouble with Uranus, your arse is in a sling. (Snort Snort). I apologize. Pluto is mostly ass ..snort..(straighten up, Hawking) anyway."

"I think that's all for now", stated Dr. Keene. "We will keep you updated but we all may be dead ten thousand years by the time Pluto affects us."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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