Former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss opens up about Chinese Year of the Whorse

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

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A big hand on your opening, Heidi

Parhump, Nevada - "A lot of Chinese hookers will be spending the year on their backs once again," retired multimillionaire ex-brothelkeeper Heidi Fleiss predicted today, "after wasting most of the Year of the Snake just sitting on their dumpy little fortune cookies."

The former California madam whose empire once straddled Beverly Hills, Hollywood and Los Angeles has landed a plum slot in a Las Vegas casino, Seizures Palace, one woman show entertaining an influx of Chinese tourists celebrating the start of the Year of the Whorse this weekend.

Personal sex tips peppered with astrological advice see Fleiss raking in the $$$s as
Chinese New Moon visitors looking for a good time in Las Vegas' red light zone pay upwards of a thousand dollars for a one-to-one with Heidi.

"The Year of the Whorse will be great for contracting those flabby internal muscles, girls," Fleiss reports, "always brings a smile to a guy's face."

Box orifice receipts from her 2009 movie, Porndogs: The Adventures of Sadist Sadie have almost paid off her 2005-8 attorney's bill.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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