Duck Dynasty's Robertson Star Of State of Union

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

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WASHINGTON - The house chamber was packed last night with special guests for President Obama's State of the Union Address. Included was the long-bearded star of the controversial show "Duck Dynasty" Willie Robertson, which has been noted for the homophobic and anti-black remarks of patriarch Phil Robertson.

Robertson has compared homosexuality to bestiality and terrorism saying that is "The Word of God." Willie has had many opportunities to disassociate himself from his father's remarks but has refused. He himself has been frequently quoted as making anti-gay remarks. He quotes liberally from the Bible, interpreting it in a right wing, fundamentalist manner.

Willie Robertson, who stars in the popular reality-TV show about his family's duck-call business, attended as a guest of Rep. Vance McAllister (R-La.). Robertson, whose show is based in Louisiana.

McAllister called Robertson his "close friend" when announcing the invite, adding that together they would bring "some diversity to our nation's capital."

At the state of the union the Republicans did line up for pictures. "I stand with Duck Dynasty!" tweeted a grinning Texas Rep. Steve Stockman, who pointedly walked out in the middle of President Obama's address. Republican Paul Ryan of Wisconsin was among other republican notables having their picture taken with the Duck Dynasty host.

Some 22 GOP congressmen wanted Duck Dynasty wall art for their congressional offices. Robertson, who sports a moose taboo on his forearm, was repeatedly asked to roll up his sleeve so that the representatives could get a closer view.

Indeed the Duck Dynasty king did seem to bring considerable diversity to the gathering. This was probably most exemplified when he opened up a picnic basket and handed out pieces of moose meat to Stockman, Rynd and others. He was however a bit embarrassed when he forgets to bring napkins.

"Hell that don't matter none," said Ryan, affecting a Southern accent and licking his fingers.

"He represents the anti-intellectual, Bible-believing, tea party, anti-gay wing of the GOP who currently controls the House of Representatives. I think it was very important for him to be here. After all we Tea Partiers do control the government of them United States of America," said Michele Bachman of Minnesota.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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