God Destroys Oregon After Michele Bachmann Moves There

Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Friday, 25 October 2013

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OREGON (or, what is left of it)--God today, using one of his favorite forms of genocide, rained down on the state of Oregon fire and brimstone until everyone and everything in the state were irrevocably dead. The Bachmann family, including Marcus Bachmann, the Representative's husband, went up in flames.

The Bachmann family had escaped Minnesota this summer, after the evangelical House Member threatened that she might move West if Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton signed a bill declaring same-sex marriage legal. The firebrand conservative said, "Sodom and Gomorrah thought they could defy the will of God, and we all know what happened to them. If the governor signs this legislation into law the Minneapolis-St. Paul region will be next." After Dayton signed the legislation into law and Bachmann moved to Oregon, God decided He had to take decisive action.

God said He was sorry that He had to take out nearly 3,900,000 innocents--the estimated population of Oregon-in order to get at one person and her family, offering only, "Whoops!" Then He added: "Look: There's stupid, and there's fucking stupid. That woman falls into the latter category. If this is what I have to do to stop her gene pool from spreading--well, you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette, right?

When Wolf Blitzer from CNN asked Sarah Palin to comment, the usually garrulous Mama Bear refused to say a word.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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