Tucson Sets The Record For The Smallest St. Patrick's Day Parade In America

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 24 March 2013

image for Tucson Sets The Record For The Smallest St. Patrick's Day Parade In America
Kaitlyn Kayleigh, Tucson's Miss St. Patrick's Day, led off the parade riding in an Irish Spring green Volkswagen.

TUCSON - The city of Tucson, Arizona is home to The Saguaro National Park. It is also the home of the largest loincloth producing factory in the entire United States.

The Laughing Lynx Loincloth Company was established in 1883, and at one time it provided 83 percent of all loincloths worn by Native-American tribal members.

Tucson is also the city where noted Mexican revolutionary leader Pancho Villa made his infamous speech back in 1916, when he said, "Oops, it looks like I should have taken a left at Nogales, sorry folks. Guess I'll just vamoose on back to Mexico, bueno bye."

And now the city with the silent c has just learned from Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight that T Town has the distinction of having the smallest St. Patrick's Day Parade in the entire country.

Mr. de Gallo received his information from Tucson native Egberta F. Follyfipple, 77, who is a parade expert and who has written over 20 books on the subject.

Ms. Follyfipple, who filed for divorce two months ago, revealed that this year's Tucson St. Patrick's Day Parade featured two bagpipers, a bosomy Hooter's girl dressed as a tall leprechaun, an accordionist playing a green accordion, and three homeless people each carrying a shamrock.

After Ms. Follyfipple submitted the parade information to the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C. she received a certified letter informing her that Tucson's St. Patrick's Day Parade was in fact the smallest St. Patrick's Day parade in the entire United States.

SIDENOTE: The city of Tucson received a very nice plaque commemorating the honor plus a U.S. government check in the amount of $25,000. A spokesperson for the city said that the money will go to restructure the city library's Dewey Decimal System.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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