Doctors Try Applying Shortening After Man's Erection Lasts More Than Four Hours

Written by Ducksley

Monday, 4 February 2013

Doctors said today that they're hoping a liberal application of Crisco shortening will help a man whose erection has persisted for more than a week. The patient, who requested anonymity, has been identified anyway as 55 year-old Burke DeMarpus.

Dr. Hideo Plenniman, who is treating DeMarpus, said, "I wish those commercials wouldn't say to contact your doctor for an erection lasting longer than four hours. What are we supposed to do?"

Plenniman said the idea to apply shortening came from a hospital staffer who meant it as a joke. "But we figured, hey, what the hell, it might work," said the doctor, who revealed that DeMarcus is also being treated for zipper chafing and bluish vision.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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