American laws are classified as stupid and draconian

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Sunday, 9 December 2012


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The prosecutor's water bottle.

An Indiana prosecutor says he wants a 17-year-old boy accused of stealing an apple from a grocery store to be tried as an adult.

The Herald Bulletin reports the teen was arrested Friday at the Anderson Police Department on a charge of disposing of an apple in his gut. An initial hearing for him is scheduled for Monday in Anderson.

Madison County Prosecutor Rodney Cummings says he will seek to have the boy waived to adult court where jealous old men are laying in wait for the next Justin Beaver that enters their domain.

Cummings says a judge appointed Anderson attorney Steve Smith to act as a guardian for the teen, who has no family.

Questions are being asked whether the boy will be allowed to legally purchase cigarettes in prison and weather he will be allowed to legally have a consensual relationship with an aggressive 400 pound, 6 foot, well endowed, muscle bound homosexual inmate.

One prison official said that the 17 year old would not be allowed to make a purchase at the prison store because he is under age even though the prosecutor is classifying him as an adult.

Legally, he is not allowed to buy liquor, smoke cigarettes, have sex with an adult woman, purchase items at the store,skip school, open up a bank account on his own, or live independently of a legal guardian because he is still a child.

Foreign legal analyst are classifying American laws as being ambiguous and difficult to interpret.

"American laws can't be trusted in treaty, or in any form of business negotiations and their money is not as green as it looks," said the leader of the U.N.

The prosecutor didn't return a phone call from The Inquisitive Press seeking comment Saturday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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