WV anti-bullying law unfair to Evangelical, straight kids says pastor

Funny story written by Francois Dubois, S.J.

Saturday, 1 December 2012

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'Next thing you know our kids will have to hear their Jesus called a Jew or something,' says Dys

CHARLESTON, West Virginia (ABSNN) - Jeremy Dys of The Family Policy Council told state legislators Friday that West Virginia's anti-bullying policy in its 55 county school districts "is unfair to evangelical students."

"We have been forced by an unjust law to call a spade a spade, but only because we can't use the "N" word anymore," Dys told the WV House of Delegates. "Now you tell our Godly boys and girls they can't call a queer a fag. What's next, are our Christian kids going to have to hear Jesus called a Jew or something?"

The Family Policy Council is an organization consisting of Dys and twenty-six New World monkeys. They insist, as does the better-known American Family Council, that AIDS victims "be branded upon the forehead" apparently so that God fearing rapists won't attack them by mistake and thus contract HIV. The American Family Council is made up entirely of chimpanzees.

"Saturday is AIDS Awareness Day throughout the world and it is also the day we West Virginia Christians should stand up for our rights to freely abuse faggots-because God gave men dominion over animals and faggots are nothing but animals."

Author's note: I am in jail for having slapped the living shit out of Mr. Dys. I know it is wrong for a reporter to become personally involved in a story, but I lost my head and bitch-slapped the asshole. Will somebody get me some bail money from my bank? Oh yes, and I'll need a pair of shoes, too, because I lost one of mine about two feet up Mr. Dys' ass.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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