Obama Wins Election, Hannity Declares Romney Victorious

Funny story written by Simon Saunders

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

image for Obama Wins Election, Hannity Declares Romney Victorious
Sean Hannity shortly after learning President Obama had been re-elected

Four more years of President Obama. That's what the American people have decided.

After a close race Obama came out on top beating his challenger Mitt Romney.

While some are delighted with the result, others are devastated.

Fox News' chief of chicanery, Sean Hannity, is not a happy man. Shortly after Fox News called the election for President Obama Hannity could be seen banging his head on his desk and crying uncontrollably.

Once he'd finished blubbing he told his dejected disciples, "What can I say? I tried everything within my powers to get Romney elected but this nation has given me the finger once again.Thanks America, I don't know why I bother. However, let not your heart be troubled. This election must have been rigged. There's no way any sane person would vote for President Photo-Op. "

Hannity continued his accusations after briefly pausing to spit on a photograph of President Obama. "Everyone knows the mainstream Obama-mania left-wing communist Fidel Castro worshipping media fixed this election. MSNBC didn't even tell their viewers that Mitt Romney was the Republican candidate. They tried to brainwash their audience."

Of course, Sean Hannity wouldn't ever dream of doing anything like that. Well, not unless there's a Y in the day.

Many of Hannity's worshippers are directing their ire at the man himself. One twitter user posted this to Hannitys page. "How could you let this happen Sean? You told us it would all be ok. Why Sean? Why?"

Another twitterererer said this, "I've not stopped crying since the result came in. I'm now in hospital suffering from post election dehydration. It's all your fault Hannity. You made us a promise. You're as bad as Obama. Although at least I won't be receiving a crippling medical bill."

Meanwhile, Hannity chum and conservative pollster Dick Morris, has kept his promise to eat his own weight in soil if Romney didn't win by a landslide. He is currently munching his way through the third tonne with only two more to go.

Hannity revealed that in his mind all is not lost. "I am going to ignore the results and pretend that Romney won. For the next four years I shall be extolling the virtues of our new president, Mitt Romney. Even though he isn't in office I'm sure he'll reduce unemployment, deal with the budget deficit and get rid of the monstrousity that is Obamacare. He will be an excellent pretend president."

Hannity then explained the reasons behind his vehement support for Romney, "As you all know I am a conservative. That is the main reason I supported Romney. There is another reason though. Some time ago I was approached by the Romney campaign and offered the role of Secretary of Defense in a Romney administration if I gave my wholehearted support to him. Well, not only have the American people deprived the country of a wonderful president but they've also scuppered my chances of being Secretary of Defense. I hope you're all happy now."

A Romney campaign spokesman refuted Hannitys claims, telling us, "Hannity as Secretary of Defense? You gotta be joking! Nobody made any offer of any kind to Hannity. We just used him to garner support from hard-line conservatives. My God, can you imagine him as Secretary of Defense? He'd be advocating wars with everyone."

What will Hannity do for the next four years? Well, apart from pretending Romney is president he'll probably cry himself to sleep every night until 2016.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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