Written by Kevin Nelson

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

image for Romney Hires Charlie Sheen to Manage His Troubled Campaign, Charlie is About WINNING and So AM I

In a recent and unexpected turn of events the Romney Campaign hires Charlie Sheen who is renowned for his WINNING philosophy as well as resurrecting seemingly dead careers as well as making several comebacks.

Both Mr. Sheen and Gov. Romney despite their obvious differences also have many similarities between them, both were hurt by candid statements they have made but Charlie Sheen has turned his down fall it into a Winning philosophy which is a message that needs to be injected into the Romney Campaign if he is going to make into the home stretch of this election.

We recently caught up with Mr. Sheen and asked him to sum up his thoughts on Romney's chances of winning the election if he adheres to his WINNING philosophy.

"It's not what people see when you look at Mitt Romney but what they're not seeing. When people see President Obama they see a guy you can have a beer with, kick back and watch a game with but you don't have that same image of Romney so we have to show the "Bad Boy" Romney.

"We have to show the world that Romney isn't just a Mormon Bishop and an upright citizen, we need to show Mitt's wild side...maybe throw in an easily disproved sex scandal or question whether or not he's ever inhaled marijuana or not like they did during Clinton's campaign. It's not important if he actually did it or not but we really need get people talking about him in way that he doesn't seem so detached and morally above the rest of us.

"Perhaps we'll slyly allude to "First Wives" just to get the focus back on Mitt or perhaps we'll have some of his staff leak rumors of wild secret Mormon polygamy parties as well as leaving a few empty liquor bottles on the campaign bus to fuel speculation.

"Hey, recently the GOP tried to create a rumor that the President might be gay, what happened, his polls went up and not down. The more they denigrate the President the more people sympathize with him, so why won't it work for Mitt as well? Oh, you're accusing Mitt of being a philanderer, a pot head and a sex maniac shame on you people....why is the evil media persecuting this virtuous man? ...

"It all boils down to turning Mitt from being the antagonist to the hapless victim and then eventually into the protagonist, That's how we can turn Mitt around in the polls...

"Hey, do you know where I can find some high-end hookers around here...it's just for research purposes only, I swear. Damn it man, I really could use another drink, it's been a hell of a day, I'll talk to you later, man."

Charlie Sheen's strategy is simple in its approach and it did work for Bill Clinton in the 1992 Election, Turn Mitt Romney into the guy we all secretly yearn to be and make them think that long enough for them to vote for him, just let the voters think, "This Mitt guy is a real Joe just like me, maybe I've been wrong about him all along, he's not an out of touch stuffed shirt, secretly he's just like me ." With Charlie Sheen in Romney's corner, one thing is for certain, it's all about WINNING at any cost!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
84 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more