The Greatest Clairvoyant In The United States Is Retiring

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

image for The Greatest Clairvoyant In The United States Is Retiring
VanPinderhausen said that his basketball prediction was his most embarrassing of all. (Photo courtesy of Manu Ginobili).

RENO - Word has just come out of The Biggest Little City In The World that one of it's famous citizens is retiring.

Thor VanPinderhausen, 53, who is regarded as one of the greatest clairvoyants in America, has said he is quitting because he just does not see much future in his job.

He recently appeared on The View where he told Whoopi Goldberg that the world of clairvoyancy has been good to him. He pointed out that it helped him buy that little 703 acre ostrich farm in California that he has wanted since he was 38.

He also said that the sales from four of his books on the clairvoyant world helped pay for his wife Ashlina Rita to get several face lifts, two tummy tucks, a nose job, and a hooha adjustment.

Joy Behar asked VanPinderhausen what exactly led him to decide to retire. He smiled and said that there were several things, but the main reason was because he got tired of being embarrassed by his predictions.

He said that for example last year he had picked the Charlotte Bobcats to win the NBA championship and they ended up with a won-loss record of 7-59, which was the worst record of all 30 NBA teams.

He then disclosed that last Valentine's Day he had stated that a category 5 hurricane would hit North Dakota before Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got divorced.

SIDENOTE: Elisabeth Hasselbeck stated that after the show she talked with Mr. VanPinderhausen and he confided in her that he is thinking about checking into The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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