Mitt Romney's Past Thug Life in Gangster Rap Group Comes to Light

Funny story written by Patrick Heller

Friday, 10 August 2012

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The Washington Post has recently reported details from Governor Mitt Romney's past that may derail the presumptive Republican candidate's goal of the White House in the 2012 Presidential Election. Quoting a variety of anonymous sources, the Post has reported that while a student at the Harvard Business School, Governor Romney was a founding member of the gangsta rap group Wealthy Wit Attitude ("WWA") and was featured on their debut album "Straight Outta Hampton". At the time, Governor Romney was known under the assumed moniker of "Filthy Rich Mutherfucka."

In fact, his campaign has been hit hardest on his lack of empathy for the poor and middle class in the song entitled "If you ain't rich, you a bitch." In response, the Governor's campaign spokesman Ryan Roswell stated "While not acknowledging the Governor was in fact Filthy Rich Mutherfucka, this song title is clearly taken out of context." When asked in follow-up what Governor Romney meant by the lyrics "I do my due diligence when comes to ripping off the indigent." Mr. Roswell had no comment.

According to at least two of its sources, the Post reported that Governor Romney, contributed lyrics to most of the album and was the lead performer on at least three of the group's more well known songs including "Don't Fight the Power", "Racing my Motherfucking Yacht!" and "Banker's Delight" The two other founding members, "The Notorious R.IC.H." and "Nathaniel Aldridge Bancroft, III." declined to comment for the story.

While some of the songs have garnered controversy, some merely show a general enthusiasm for a type of philosophy that would mark his future politics. For instance, in the song "F.D.I.C. Killa", Governor Romney notes his future run to the White House with the line "Washington, D.C. ain't never seen a deregulator like this baller before."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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