Gillette Introduces Mach-12 Razor

Written by Steve Shaw

Wednesday, 5 November 2003

image for Gillette Introduces Mach-12 Razor
Be careful, that's razor sharp!

NEW YORK-In retaliation to Shick's new Quattro four-bladed razor, Gillette decided to up the ante by introducing the new Mach-12. "Those guys thought they would out-do us with their puny four blades," said Gillette spokesperson Ron Garret, "but I'd like to see them top the truly amazing shave you can achieve with twelve. It's honestly the best shave a man can get."

The Mach-12 works to do just what its makers intended-give you the world's closest shave. Unfortunately, it removes three layers of skin in doing so, eliminating the need to shave for up to a week.

A red-faced and freshly shaven John Green spoke about the razor. "It's not too bad, really," he said. "Once the first two days pass and the violent burning sensation subsides, you can truly appreciate the closeness of the shave. You can shave against the grain, too…but I wouldn't recommend it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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