Catholic Church To Secede From Union: Calls Obama "Devil's Own Handmate"

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 22 January 2012

image for Catholic Church To Secede From Union: Calls Obama "Devil's Own Handmate"

BILLINGSGATE POST - Catholic Church leaders vow to secede from Union rather than obey new decree from Devil's Handmate, President Barack Obama. Yesterday, the President's health chief, Kathleen Sebelius, decreed that the Catholic Church must provide employees with contraception coverage despite their moral objections.

"Evidently, the President did not get the message," New York's Cardinal-designate Timothy Dolan said. He was referring to the ruling that the Supreme Court made two weeks ago. In that ruling the Justices unanimously scolded the administration for trying to tell churches and church-based organizations that the government knew best as to who they could hire and fire.

Church leaders, including Dolan, had lobbied vigorishly to persuade Sebellius to grant an exemption from Obamacare's uniform-care-for-all-standard.

"I have a message for you to deliver to the President," Archbishop Dolan said to Sebelius. "Tell Numb-Nuts that he is not messing with some white-hating preacher screaming "GOD DAMN AMERICA!"

"To put it into a vernacular that he might better understand, I'be duh apponed hed of duh mos powful dicese of dees Unigh Staes. He be foo to mess wif me."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more