Romney Chooses Red Bull As His Official Caffeine Based Drink Sponsor

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 13 January 2012


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Coffee Tea Or Me

Charleston, South Carolina - The fact that Mitt Romney chose to annoint Red Bull as his official caffeine based drink in this antebellum city is either ironic or reverse Quasimodo. With Spanish moss hanging languidly from ancient oak trees like green bat wings drooping from the underarms of Madonna, this city is the the antithesis of the high voltage amping through New York and Washington.

Mr. Romney, who is a Mormon, has never tasted the evils of tea or coffee. Choosing hot chocolate to sharpen his edge before he debates with his caffeine-riddled rivals for the GOP nomination, his only dilemna is whether he wants it topped with whipped cream or not. With the other candidates shaking with what appears to be terminal chingas, pecking each other like demented roosters in a hen house, Mitt seems strangely at ease in this hectic scene. Ron Paul, who looks like a scarecrow hung from a pitchfork, is the only other hopeful who approaches the tranquility of Mr. Romney

My best guess is that Romney is using reverse Quasimodo in choosing Red Bull as his sponsor. This might be his way of moving the conversation from him being called a "Vulture Capitalist" to him being referred to as a "Red Bull Shiter' by Rick Perry.

*Just another eclectic Dr. Billingsgate offering.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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