Last Republican Presidential Candidate Calls It Quits

Written by Moose

Friday, 2 December 2011

image for Last Republican Presidential Candidate Calls It Quits
Mitt Romney when he was "running"...

BOSTON, MASS: Republican hopeful, Mitt Romney bowed out of the 2012 presidential race after The Daily Show's Jon Stewart accused him of having an affair with himself.

This comes on the heels of Herman Cain's decision to quit the race after it was alleged that he had slept with 73 women while married to his current wife, Gloria.

Last week Rick Santorum was forced to withdrawal from race after slipping in a pool of frothy fecal matter and anal lube.

Newt Gingrich confessed earlier that he had decided to switch to the Whig party, but it was too late for him to complete the required documentation.

Michele Bachmann has also withdrawn from the race after being invited to participate on Dancing With The Stars next season.

Earlier this month, one-time front-runner Rick Perry cited three reasons for his departure from the race: 1) Being President is hard work; 2) Illegal immigrants deserve citizenship and 3)... Oops...

The world was saddened to learn that on Tuesday, Ron Paul was admitted to McLean Hospital for psychiatric evaluation.

After Mitt Romney departed the race, John Huntsman dropped out after determining that without Romney, he would be confused with who he really is.

In related news, President Barack Obama is also considering dropping out of the 2012 presidential race because he wants to spend more time with his family.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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